There are (finally) Vegas pictures here.
There are also no sensible words forming themselves into sentences in my head, so this will be a short post.
Steve has posted about last night - it was really a very good night, and I too have a feeling that it marked the beginning of something good.
The next post will be my 100th, so I'm going to save my effort for that!
So much has happened this week that I just can't condense it into anything sensible, not least because I'm totally exhausted and I ache all over.
It's been an eventful week, finished off with a fantastic weekend... and I'll leave it there for now.
Pictures from Andy and Lyndsay's wedding, which was just perfect, and very special, are in the usual place.
Pictures from Vegas should be there on Wednesday once I have Helen's and we therefore have a full set.
Sleep for me now, much needed!!
There's so much I could say about tonight, but I can't. Work confidentiality and all that, don't want to get Dooced!
Also, Blogger wasn't working when I logged on, so most of the drunkeness which would normally be here, is actually here on t the messageboard. Hee hee.
Collapsed on the sofa feeling guilty. Spent today watching Pete run the London Marathon, which he did spectacularly well, despite the rain. Apart from now I'm really tired, which is rubbish, because all we did was wander round London a bit, he ran 26 and a bit miles, so I have no justification for being cream crackered!
Anyway, I've had a lovely weekend hanging out with the boys (mainly, joined by Tania and Helen and Pete's family for some welcome female company). Thank you boys. I'm enjoying a rest from the testosterone now though!
So, on to facing the week ahead... having just bought an EXTREMELY expensive dress for a black tie dinner tomorrow, I'm hoping that that will make me feel good for the start of a week about which I am feeling very apprehensive for all sorts of different (and kind of complicated) reasons.
Still, I have a wedding to look forward to, in Aberdeen, on Saturday. It's going to be great, a gang of my old Uni housemates back together again. So very much looking forward to that. Just got to get through the week first...!
(PS photos from Vegas still being prepared and exchanged between us girlies... more soon)
Well, it's Wednesday. I'm back. I have a touch of jetlag, a large dose of the post holiday blues, and the very slightest hint of a tan.
I was due to report back two decisions and some photos. To take the easiest first - there are photos, lots of them, but it's going to take some time to sort them out. Also, Na, Helen and I will be compiling all our photos in to one set for here. So, they'll be there in a few days. There are a couple at the bottom of this post to whet your appetite though...
As to the decisions: Na, Helen and the cocktails were helpful. I've decided that on the professional one, my philosophy is 'you've got to be in it to win it', so I'm going to chuck in an application and see what happens. That might be slightly easier said than done given the deadline is the 30th April, but we'll see. A concentrated effort at the weekend and some point next week should do it.
On the personal one, well, that's perhaps not so straightforward, but the philosophy is probably the same. One of the (many) films I watched on the plane(s) had a great line in it: "Who cares if you get in a mess in your life. At least you know you're living it then."
The photos:
So. Work is slightly better, if only because it's the end of term, and of course because Vegas is 35 hours or something away. Thank God. I can't wait. It really has been a hell of a couple of months, and I'm very much in need of a rest, mainly from work, but generally too. And Vegas seems to offer the best solution - pool and spa time by day, and then food, drink and partying by night. Wicked.
I'm also planning to give myself some 'clear thinking' time... time away from work, people, all sorts of other things. I need to make two decisions. The first is related to work, it's a professional decision about whether to continue pursuing something I've been trying for for a long time, or whether to give it up and stick with what I'm doing now, and am apparently good at. A difficult choice, and a major decision to take. It will affect the rest of my career for the rest of my life. I've always been career motivated and ambitious, so it's a major life decision, it's not just about 'work'.
The second is related to me, it's a personal decision about whether to take the plunge and attempt to resolve something which has been bugging me for a long time. It might have a major effect on me, but if it all goes wrong, I'd hope that it would be solvable and I could move on just fine.
Hmph. I think that all of this is going to be very much aided by a number of tasty (but probably expensive) cocktails and a bit of girly bonding time.
Photos will no doubt result from the trip too, there's not been any for a while. Not sure why that is.
So, check back here next Wednesday for (a) two decisions and (b) photos
I've had an utterly horrible few days at work, but things are improving. I can honestly say that I was more angry (that deep down, burning incessant but somehow calm anger) than I have ever been on Monday. I had to isolate myself and not talk to anyone for a good few hours, and then my poor Mum took the brunt of it (thanks Mum ;-) and thanks also to those who took my MSN ranting!). I've calmed down now, and all is well, but I won't forget how I was made to feel. All becuase of one man... I can only go so far in describing things on here, but some of you know what I mean and the situation to which I am referring (and those who don't can be explained too off line).
But, the bottom line is that I'm bigger and stronger than that. He'll fall on his sword eventually! I honestly believe that such experiences can only make you stronger. My boss said to me on Tuesday that she couldn't understand how I'd survived without losing my temper. And I'm not sure that I can either. But then there have been a few situations in my recent-ish past where I've felt like that. I'm not sure how it's ok, but it is. I've made it. I'm a strong and resilient person. I'm willing to learn from my mistakes and reflect on the situations in which I have become involved and then move on.
Steve's blog struck a chord with me today - his title is "Somedays I love being me". And, well, I'm going to steal that philosophy. Somedays I love being me. When I was standing on the balcony about ten minutes ago, drinking a(n unnecessary extra) glass of wine, looking at the stars, and absorbing the natural calm of the river, I thought, yeah, I love being me. And not only that, I'm proud of me.
It's not often that I'm proud of me. I'm a self critical kind of person (although I'm aware I might not always come across like that) but just sometimes I give myself reason to be proud. And I think I have this week. And I'm going to carry that with me. It makes me stronger.
I've been sitting here gazing at the screen for some time now. An awful lot has happened since I last blogged, some good, some bad, some indifferent. And I just can't work out a way to get it all onto paper (well, keyboard) and make sense of it all. So I'm not going to.
Suffice to say that I've had a great weekend doing normal things with normal people... well pehaps not so normal on balance, but I love them all the same! Thanks for entertaining me guys and girls xxx
Constantly heading up a one way street.
The flow is going the other way.
The prevailing sensible choice is going the other way.
But somehow you keep on going, against the tide. Hit it headlong and like a bull at a gate, and the force of everyone else will throw you back, like surf breakers on a beach.
Make your way, gently, slowly, building confidence as you go, bringing people on board gradually so that they understand what you want, and why you want it, and that, even if they can’t understand, they can see that you desire it so much that you’re going to carry on regardless. Eventually, you’ll get to the top. Won’t you?
The top, where it’s busier, the traffic is flowing in both directions, but despite that, there is a natural sense of harmony. Everything just feels right some how.
But, when you’re still on the one way street, there’s something missing. A glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, the much needed sense of tranquil calm and satisfaction which the top promises is enough to spur you on.
A hint, a touch, a kind word. It’s enough.
I am shattered... just finished my second 14+ hour day in a row, and I'm set for another one tomorrow too.
I'm counting down the days... 8 working days until it all changes, and therefore hopefully improves (although it's a shallow hope, I think it'll just be different rather than better)... and 22 days until Vegas. I've not quite gone to the extreme of working out the amount of working hours left to go yet, but give me time!
I'm beginning this post thinking it will be a long one, but let's see what happens...
I'm currently sitting on the sofa, drinking wine and watching West Wing. A regular Saturday night in then... albeit that I've not actually done this for longer than I can pin point to remember. My Saturday nights are usually spent in various places not involving being at home, so it's quite refreshing to be here. I feel like I'm catching up with myself. I was originally planning to spend this weekend seeking the assistance of Marty to wash, t-cut and polish my old car, ready for it to be sold, but he's visiting parents... so I've diverted to a favourite pastime... painting!!! We're having a red wall in the lounge, and a nice cream colour in the bathroom, probably with a Griffiths original painting on one wall.
I love painting and decorating. Sad huh... but, there's something very theraputic about spending a few hours making a radical transformation to something and then assessing the effect at the end of the day, and for however long it lasts into the future, until you decide to change it again! Whilst I would most love to be decorating my very own flat/house, I'm content for now to be helping Stephen out.
As I said, I'm currently in the lounge... very much enjoying my new laptop with the cool wireless technology. I've got this and my old desktop linked so that I can access everything from both... and I was even able to have MSN conversations from the bathroom earlier - whilst I was painting, rather than doing anything else!
It has, as usual, been a big, bad, mad week at work. But, I'm counting down the days, firstly to the end of March (10 working days), when everything changes, and secondly to the 13 April, when I, along with Na and Helen, will be Vegas bound! Can't wait. The high point from this week though was that my manager managed to get some feedback about me out of the big boss. Who, apparently, although I think this makes him certifiable, thinks I'm exceptional, performing astonishingly well, tackling difficult issues which no one has ever taken on before, and he can't think of anything negative at all.
I was quite literally gobsmacked and speechless, which as anyone who reads this knows (as does my manager), is a very rare thing. A pretty good way to end the week though, and a very good boost at a difficult time.
In celebration, I toasted Tim's birthday with a number of these. They are passionfruit beer, from a rather good Belgian bar called the Dovetail in Clerkenwell, which has the biggest range of Belgian beers in London, including the rather amazing passionfruit one in the picture. Had I not been totally knackered from the night before, many many more of those would have been consumed!
And, the final paragraph. My last post was rather emotional... and rather jumbled up and confused. I was also in danger of revealling rather more than would have been sensible about some of my inner most thoughts... and I remain very thankful today that I didn't.
Normal service is resumed.
You're the only one....
We've shared the laughter and the pain, we've shared the tears.
There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why.
Ahem.
Just spent a fab girly night in... with my male flatmate. Steak and chips and red wine for dinner, finished off with plenty of red wine, Baileys, and season 1 of Cold Feet. It's been emotional. He's split up with his girlfriend, and there was nothing for it but a good girly cure all session. He's gone to bed much happier, which leads me to conclude that girly treatment can work for boys too.
And, above all, it proves that girls are not, contrary to the opinions of some, evil.
Hasta la vista baby... hasta luego amigos
Managed to escape from work at a reasonable time today, so have just cooked myself this:
Totally yummy. One of my favourite meals ever... and the best thing is that it involves using a glass of wine to flavour the rice, so what's a girl to do but drink the rest!
I’ve been thinking about this post for a while, and have been prompted to put it up today by an incident with coasters on a coffee table…
We have laughed for some time about Marty’s obsessive compulsive disorder-esque obsession with having the remote controls neatly lined up on the coffee table… so much so that he once gathered four remotes from completely different places in my lounge and left them lined up on the sofa for me! The portable phone must always be on the stand in their house too (unless it’s in use of course), and today I learnt that the coasters must be in the four corners of the coffee table.
Others have similar obsessions too… Richelle can’t bear the toilet roll being on the wrong way round, or sunlight breaking through curtains in the morning, Steve can’t bear wearing crinkled shirts and must squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom (not to mention the fact that he can’t bear polystyrene and cotton wool) and Rich must have the rug at the bottom of his bed straight…
I think my equivalent oddities are that when I’m reading a book, I always turn over the corner of the page at the mid point, and when I’m at work, I always have to have my bottle of water in exactly the same place on my desk, no matter how cluttered it is.
I think the second one is partly to stop me from knocking it over and ruining all my papers though!
We’re all odd.
Wellllllll........ after a truly horrendous and amazingly complicated week, this week has at least started off a bit better, and I'm hoping (very much) that it's going to stay that way.
Had a very good weekend doing nothing very interesting, including recovering from a stomach bug which gave me the most delirious dreams ever... like changing the time and stopping the Home Secretary from doing a speech... WHAT?!
Also had some fun on Saturday night (photos on Flickr as usual). But actually, the best thing about the weekend was that I did normal things, like washing, ironing, cleaning, sleeping, going out for a walk... you know, all the kind of stuff you take for granted, at least until you come close to losing your possibly already a bit fragile grip on all the balls in the air, and then the boring stuff becomes the most important stuff in the world, because it's normal. And being normal is good. I realise now that I was probably very close to breaking point last week (well, I was closest at 3.30am on Friday morning when I was convinced that I was never going to feel well again, and that I was also never going to be able to sleep again!), and I'm kind of glad in a way that I had the bug, because it forced me to stop and sort myself out. I just hope things don't get that bad again. I don't think they will, but well, you just can never really tell in this job.
Still, on reflection, I love my job, and I love my life, and everyone and everything in it. And I utterly value my friends and my guiding lights in getting me through and allowing me to be me, offering encouragement, support, comment, constructive critism and praise at the right time. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, thank you all.
Big hug x
So, it's a Moeker gig night, and I'm not unleashing a drunken post into cyberspace... something a bit wrong there. I think it must be a combination of a few things: the fact that they were on stage at 8.15, so there was no warm up drinking time; the fact that I'd double booked myself and had to leave straight afterwards; the fact that it's totally completely freezing outside; and the fact that, despite having had both beer and wine, neither appear to have had much of an effect on me.
Talking of the cold, does anyone know whether it's possible for headphones (or possibly (and more expensively) I-Pods) to freeze? Mine was doing seriously odd things on the way home,
I've had a truly horrible day at work dealing with some really shitty issues, and culminating in upsetting a very good friend. I was dealing with the situation to the best of my ability. Today I learnt that sometimes your best just isn't good enough.
But, I did have an excellent weekend in Scotland. Apart from the losing the rugbt and the utterley completely horrendous hangover on Sunday (which was still around yesterday) that is.
A pic, as we've not had one for a while: 
And another, of the Scottish drinking gang:
Time for bed.
This very cool website created this (found here - it's a pictorial representation of the words found most often in my blog entries.
Interesting.
I've exhausted my blog inspiration (probably for the rest of the month) on the previous post, so I don't have anything deep and meaningful to add today. My thoughts are dominated by something deep and painful - an ear infection. Sob.
I've been thinking today about the nature of 'moments' of memory. I think what I mean is best described as those snippets of memory which suddenly come back to you when you're in the middle of something, and they have a persuasive effect of distracting you. They happen to me in meetings, when I'm reading, and of course most often at random (and usually inconvenient) times when I'm supposed to be concentrating at work.
They come in different forms. Sometimes they make me chuckle as I remember a comedy moment (the foam ceiling springs to mind here), or they are touching. Perhaps the most distracting ones are the ones which are fixating. They are often recalling the briefest of moments - possibly the moments which I wanted to last longer, or I think I could have handled differently... or I wonder 'what would have happened next if...?'. Those times where there is perhaps just a millisecond of something, and it leaves you wondering what it means.
No point wondering 'what if' though eh. Sometimes I have to remind myself that there will be a lot more 'moments' to be created and then recalled, and they all add to the catalogue. Of course there are some which would be best forgotten, either because they are cringeworthy, embarrassing, or just really don't deserve to be recalled. And of course, these are the ones which come back to haunt me at the most inappropriate times... but I can usually block them out. It's the 'brief moment' ones which stay around... sometimes the tiniest snippets of recollection play on my mind the most. I find myself rehearsing them over and over.
Sometimes I wish I had a thought stick or a dream collector which works on day time thoughts (I'm thinking BFG by Roald Dahl here). I could just get rid of them... or find somewhere to store them until I want to reflect - or until things have changed so much that they paint a different part of the story.
Anyhow, on that note, I'm in five-hours-sleep-a-night-mode at the moment, so tis time for bed. I am trying to make the most of the few hours, and reading for a bit before I go to bed to calm my mind for some serious sleeping. Driving to work does make things much better though - and the sense of victory I feel when arriving at work at 6.59 and therefore avoiding the congestion charge is disproportionately good.
There should be pictures of the car, but as it rained for most of the weekend, there aren't any. In fact, there's been an absence of pictures of late. Must rectify that in Scotland this week - although I fear the quality won't be that high!
So. Today I'm not so sober. A rather nice few beers after work has much improved my mood, especially as they were with good company (although I'm never with bad company really!) in a very nice quiet setting where we had table service and were really able to chill out. It's been a hard week that's for sure, and I'm very much looking forward to having a good weekend (including getting the new car of course!)
I did have one of those 'I love living in London' moments on the way home, when I saw my building all lit up and being used for an event, which has also helped to improve my mood. And now Sliding Doors, which is a fab movie (which in my usual style I've seen loads and loads of times) is on the tv, so that helps too.
I think actually that if I redistributed my film watching I'd have watched a lot more - I've watched a few films a lot of times, rather than a lot of films. Still, it's film night at No 28 tomorrow, so that will add some new ones to my list. And they will be accompanied by pie, rice pudding and beer. Sounds like a good way to spend a Saturday night to me.
